Let’s Get Uncomfortable

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Comfort Zones. We hear about them all the time. More specifically, we are always being told that we need to get out of them. Makes sense, right? If we stick to only what we know, we get only what we’ve always gotten. So, if you want to grow, find your comfort zone. Then get out of it. Easy, right? Not so much. For starters, where exactly does your comfort zone end? How far out of it do you need to go to grow? What if we get outside of our comfort zone and it’s horrible? And most importantly, what do we hope to gain from this uncomfortable process?

The answer to the first three questions is simple: We don’t know. The answer to the final, crucial question is even simpler: More you. And a better you.

If we met today, you would likely never believe that I long had (and sometimes still have) a fear of public speaking. And I mean fear. The kind that makes me wish I were anywhere but right there at that moment, hives and all. I never liked being the center of attention. It started to become a problem in college. And by that, I mean that it started to hold me back. Suddenly, the idea of raising my hand and having all eyes in the room on me was horrifying. What if my answer was wrong or people didn’t agree with my opinion? So, I never raised my hand, even if I did know the answer. And those moments when I did get called on, I turned bright red and stumbled through the answer. I missed out on standing out to and developing relationships with professors. I missed out on being my best me in college.

And it only got worse from there. When I started working, I listened and tried never to speak. When forced to, I could feel the flush creeping up my chest, neck and face while waiting for my turn. I actively avoided opportunities that required any amount of public speaking, even if the role was a dream come true. This inability to speak up was hurting my career. And it became a self-fulfilling prophecy: The more I avoided speaking in public, the more anxious I became when I had to. The more anxious I became, the worse it went the next time I spoke. And on the vicious cycle went.

Until I finally became sick of that feeling. I finally decided that there was absolutely no reason for this fear to continue to rule me, and prevent me from being my best self. I realized that I wasn’t “unable” to speak in public; I was unwilling to be imperfect. I have always admired people who are bold, people who weren’t afraid to be “wrong” in front of others. And I was determined to learn that skill just like they had. I started small. Speaking up more at work. Taking the lead in 1×1 conversations with peers. Then with my boss, and eventually senior management. Presenting to a small group in the office went from causing full-fledged panic attacks several days before, to only causing a minor panic attack the morning of. I realized that when I was stopped worrying about the hives, I could focus on the fact that I actually knew what I was talking about and that people were interested in my opinion. It felt like a leap of faith but I had to trust myself and realize that I was good at my job. Next came the previously unimaginable: voluntarily speaking at meetings and running small training sessions, which eventually led to the realization that I had left that fear far behind me, in a comfort zone I can barely recognize anymore.

I learned a lot about myself from pushing myself to do what was uncomfortable. I won’t tell you that I love public speaking now. I don’t. However, by pushing myself outside my comfort zone, I’ve opened the doors to new opportunities, projects, this website, this career.

After all, the world doesn’t end when I don’t know an answer, or if someone disagrees with my opinion. So, let’s push ourselves together.

For more on getting uncomfortable, check out this great HBS article. She speaks my language.

Brace Yourself: Feedback

This guest blog is written by Ted Johnson, who has been in executive recruiting for 20 years. 

Feedback has somehow transformed into a four-letter word. “Can I give you some feedback?” has never in the history of human interaction been followed by: “That was amazing! Keep doing it exactly like that.” Which makes the common response of tensing up and wanting to scream “EVERYTHING YOU ARE ABOUT TO SAY IS A LIE!” completely understandable. Sort of. After all, feedback is a form of constructive criticism; which is a form of criticism.

But your goal isn’t to avoid criticism, is it? It’s to grow personally and professionally, which you recognize requires acute awareness of your areas for development and not just focusing on your (perceived) strengths. Therefore, to stay true to your personal and professional goals, you must get comfortable with receiving feedback. That begins with understanding what it even is. And isn’t.

Feedback IS Feedback IS NOT
Neither “positive” nor “negative” A personal attack or commentary on you
Either accurate or not An instruction manual
The perspective of one person The world’s view of your flaws

Now that we better understand what it is and is not, let’s discuss some important tips which you should incorporate into any feedback conversation:

  1. Take a Deep Breath. The natural response for many, as discussed above, is for some form of the fight or flight response to kick in. It shouldn’t be, but it requires effort to retrain yourself. Feedback isn’t synonymous with confrontation so, slow down, take a deep breath and remember that this is a learning opportunity. Not an attack.
  2. Then Stop Thinking. For many, once the feedback is delivered, we will immediately start wracking our brains for examples of when we committed whatever unforgivable sin we are being accused of committing. Simultaneously, we will begin mounting a defense by scanning our memory for examples that contradict this claim. “She’s telling me I talked too fast? The horror! Wait, I definitely didn’t talk too fast because I distinctly remember telling myself to slow down at 9:52am…” By now, you’ve missed most of the feedback. And you’ve definitely missed the point.
  3. Instead, Listen. This sounds easy. Maybe it will be for you. But if you are going through the common loop outlined above, I promise that you aren’t listening.
  4. Thank Them. It may sound counterintuitive but we only give feedback to those whose development we care about. No one spends time giving feedback to and taking an interest in the growth of someone they don’t think will ever accept and apply it. And frankly, feedback isn’t easy for everyone to deliver. So, this usually shows a significant commitment to the recipient’s development and should be respected accordingly.
  5. Reflect Later. As mentioned above, in the moment, your only job is to carefully listen to the feedback being offered. Only once you are in a place to think about the message, should you reflect on the accuracy and usefulness of the feedback. This step is crucial as it requires you to be completely honest with yourself. Is this something you have heard from multiple, trusted sources? If so, it’s likely accurate whether you think it is or not. Would accepting this feedback and incorporating it into your performance have a positive impact on your growth and development? If so, it’s likely worth taking it to heart.

Applying these techniques isn’t easy. It will take time, especially steps 1 & 2. But with this basic framework, you will be better prepared to engage in any conversation in which feedback is delivered. This will allow you to recognize the value and takeaways embedded in it, and you will be one step closer to being your Best You.

Why your job search is a lot like getting into college

A shout out to Colby College, pictured above, for providing me with a great foundation for exploring my passions and pursuing my goals.

Do you remember sitting down to write essays for your college applications? Neither do I. For many of us it’s been a long time (or really long time, but who’s counting?). However, if you think back to all the great advice you received about applying to college and writing those essays or your personal statement, many of the same rules apply today when looking for a job and writing your cover letter:

  • Be selective. Just as some students apply to as many 40 colleges, many people on the job hunt apply to far too many jobs and then wonder why they never hear back. It’s because you couldn’t possibly 1) be equally qualified for 100 different unrelated jobs or 2) have done enough research to write a convincing cover letter articulating why they can’t live without you or 3) have taken the time to utilize your network so your resume just went into a black hole. Invest time customizing the cover letters for the select handful of jobs that you really want (and are actually qualified for) rather than blasting out generic applications for countless jobs that you haven’t researched and at the end of the day, probably aren’t really interested in. When it comes to your job search, more is not always more.
  • Be your authentic self. Choosing the right college is about finding the place that has the right environment, culture, classes, activities and professors for you. You won’t find it if you don’t take the time to understand what’s important to you. Same is true in the job search and the interview process. It’s a two-way street and it’s important to do your homework and ask questions to make sure that the company and role are the right fit for you.
  • Build real and lasting relationships. For high school students, that means building relationships with college reps, alumni, your interviewer and your counselor. For those of you on the job hunt, that means building and most importantly maintaining connections with your network. According to a recent survey, 85% of all jobs are filled by hiring managers and candidates leveraging their personal networks. I suspect that number got your attention! You need to cultivate your network; statistically speaking, it is the key to finding the next opportunity. In addition, take the time to identify the hiring manager and recruiter. Connect with them on LinkedIn with a thoughtful message and address your cover letter accordingly.
  • Demonstrate your interest. Colleges are looking for demonstrated interest because they care about their yield. Showing a college that you are interested is the opposite of dating. Don’t play hard to get and pretend that you aren’t interested. Recruiters and hiring managers want you to want them too and not just because you need a job but because you want their job at their company.  Generic cover letters don’t work. I know, I know. Customizing each cover letter, doing your homework and building relationships (see above) take effort and time. But if you are selective (again, see above) then you can spend your time researching the company and articulate in a cover letter, LinkedIn message, and during your interview why you are interested and why you are a great fit.

P.S. My favorite tool for developing a manageable target list of companies: the 2 Hour Job Search.

How Will You Stand Out?

I have met many talented candidates, from all over the globe, with a diversity of majors and with interesting life and work experience. While I love meeting all these different people and engaging in fascinating conversation, my goal at the end of the day is to find the right people for my company. Given this experience, college students often ask for advice on how to stand out during the interview process.

While I’ve recruited across a variety of industries and for countless different roles, as I look across the talent that I’ve hired over the years, patterns begin to emerge. Successful employees are engaged, interested in continuous learning, enthusiastic about meeting the needs of clients and have strong communication skills. When I meet with college students, it’s not about their major; it’s about their passion for what they are studying. It’s not about their work experience but what they learned from that experience. It’s not about topics that they researched or projects that they worked on but that they were engaged in and excited about the process of learning. Whether they mowed lawns all summer or interned at an investment bank, it’s that they worked hard and can point to the results of their work and the impact they had on their company or their client.

If you are currently in college or a recent grad and these characteristics describe you, here are some ways to stand out during the interview process:

  • Attend career fairs and recruiting events on campus. They are a great way to learn about new companies and industries that you might not even be aware of.
  • Come to your interview prepared. That can be as basic as bringing paper and pen to take notes (you’d be surprised how many people show up empty-handed). It also means spending time learning about the company with which you are interviewing. I’m looking for people who have invested time in trying to understand the services my company provides and the clients we serve.
  • Sell yourself. This is an opportunity for you to tell me about how you would add value. Tell me about your great internship experience but do so in a way that I understand how you added value to that company. Relay how you can do the same at your next employer.
  • Be yourself. I can’t stress this one enough. Companies want to get to know the real you, not the one you think they want to meet. At the end of the day, they may not be the right fit for you and vice versa but no one will know that if you don’t let them see who you really are. It’s okay to let them know that you have a fun side too.
  • Ask questions. Be engaged in the conversation. See the interview as an opportunity to learn about the company and the things that matter to you: career advancement, work life balance, office culture, etc. Asking questions shows them that you’ve given some thought to what they do (see bullet #2) and if they are the right place for you.
  • Follow up. Your engagement doesn’t end when you walk out the door or hang up the phone. Send an email to say thanks but also to focus on a particularly meaningful part of conversation. That added touch will set you apart.